At least that is Korea's alleged sobriquet.

Because of the bally airline, what should have been a 16 hour trip turned out to be a 26 hour trip. The real fun was when I was pulled out of line at Incheon for an on-the-spot COVID dual swab. I guess I had a 37.3°, which is a low fever, but I was wearing a lined coat over a sweater dragging two large bags. The quarantine officer had me strip off the extra layers and waited a few minutes, and this time I was only 37.1°, which is definitely not a fever. Regardless, I was taken down to the tarmac in shirt sleeves (it was -3°C/27°F) to get swabbed, and I must say, of the two, I much preferred the cold. I was then made to wait in a cubicle (carrel) for seven hours for the results to come back, which predictably were negative, especially since I was required to test within 72 hours of flying. Even if I had caught it along the way, it wouldn't have been soon enough to test positive. During this wait, I was given a bottle of water and a mylar blanket and told to stretch out on the floor if I wanted a nap. Over the next seven hours, the only person I saw was the person who delivered a fish bologna sandwich, which are words that must never be said together again.

By this time, my wife was already whisked off to another quarantine facility 40 km away. I finally managed to get to my quarantine hotel about five hours after I was released from airport detention. Despite this hotel's reputation, the room is small and a bit shabby, and they are very miserly about supplies. Meals and rubbish are done by blind drop. The door alarms if you're not quick enough. The only person you see is a young man in a Tyvek suit come to take your temperature, in case you're lying about your temperature in the government-mandated self-reporting app. And the facility doctor, who interrupted my breakfast yesterday to administer another dual swab, despite getting one the day before at the airport. I'm ashamed to say I cut him off mid-explanation to just have done with it already. He promised to come back on the 13th day (second to last day of quarantine) to administer another one. I hope he brings flowers and chocolate to our little date!

So, this is the second full day of quarantine. The meals are Korean, as one might expect, but not much better than the meals you would get flying economy. You squirrel away any utensil or snack item that may be useful later. The word "prison" is never far from mind. The view out my window is a highway, a drydock, and a narrow channel lined with industrial infrastructure. Zero people watching potential. TV has only four English-language channels, one of which is a news outlet owned by the Communist Chinese government (you know, the fellows who gave us North Korea). I haven't got all the streaming services working with the VPN, but I have figured out the one, so I can watch Frasier before bed. Mostly I've just been listening to Beethoven and Satie, endlessly reloading the same websites on my phone. I have books, and I'm sure I could pull up Bob, but those seem like activities to be done in joy, not sullied with captivity.

I don't mean to carp on so, it's just much worse than I expected. Indeed, I wish my government had taken half as much care as are the South Koreans with this virus. But, American that I am, I would rather it not apply to me! And thus the pandemic at home is explained. The rules are always for someone else. Except not here, emphatically so.

Ian_Adkins
Dear Ian,

My word, your unpleasant adventure reads like a better novel!
It so much reminded me of my former life as a hotel and airplane inspector where I'd flown 626 times and visited over 500 hotels all over the world (including South Korea!). And thus also encountered uncountable mishaps, unhappy accidents and creepy situations.
I do hope this will soon only remain a less happy memory and that you will fully embrace any positive aspects of your trip. I loved your thought about Bob Ross!

Sincerely,

Voy Kay

@Voy Kay#1002 I love to travel, but I hate getting there! I'm glad you find my prose interesting--I always aim to be an engaging and intelligent correspondent. I am one of the few people I know who still writes letters. Unfortunately my last regular correspondent is getting a bit dotty.

A few updates: I discovered NHK World on the TV, which the guide had erroneously tucked away in the Japanese language channel listings. And I found I could stream France24 from my laptop. I also found a way to block a light that blinks all night. Why everything needs an LED indicator is beyond me. Call me old-fashioned, but it's either plugged in or isn't, either works or doesn't.

Small victories, but invaluable for morale.

Ian_Adkins
Dear Ian,

Hope your morale will be kept nourished!
Myself, I like to write letters as well, although never handwritten due to an issue with my dominant hand (hampers me also for painting small details).
Had to think of those multiple hotel rooms where I had to stick some tape (never travel without some!) on the blinking smoke detectors in the room. Aaaah, those were the days!

Yours truly,

Voy Kay

@Voy Kay#1006 I like to use black electrical tape, which is light-proof. I should have brought a roll with me. I stick it over all the chargers and such in our bedroom, and even took apart the smoke detector to cover the light in there, too. I couldn't believe the amount of light that li'l sucker puts off. The room was awash in a green glow that even cast shadows. Me, if I could sleep in a sensory deprivation tank, I would.

Ian_Adkins
How a forum article is slowly becoming a chapter in an Orient based thriller!
Way to go Ian!!! 😃

That's funny, because this evening for the first time I saw people in the boat yard, two men working in a glass enclosure. I have birdwatching binoculars so I had a peek, and as I was eyeing their work, I thought, Gee, I hope one of them doesn't murder the other one with me for a witness. Wouldn't that be a plot? American tourist tries to convince Korean police a murder happened but there's no body and no evidence. Also, I just saw a flashlight by one of the boats and I imagined the owner saw me looking and shut it off. Probably because he just murdered his colleague in the boathouse, haha.

Ian_Adkins
Amazing, that must be the same boat yard where the Kkangpae is shipping and handling their snow inspired 'stairway to heaven' powders!
Quick Ian, gather your most valuables in your backpack and go to the balcony. Drop one floor to the other balcony with jade green curtains. The sliding doors are open, rush towards the door and enter the hallway. Seek for room 327. Special agent Koo-Bah from the 'The National Intelligence Service' will await you there.
Follow her guidelines to escape and please, make certain to wear a Phtalo blue mouthmask at all times!
Get in touch with home base as soon as you feel safe again and in the comfort of a warm hot tub!

😄

Your scenario makes me smile. I had to look up Kkangpae, like a Korean Yakuza or Tong. Sadly no balcony, just a ledge, though in this weather I doubt a balcony would be of any comfort. I do know the rooms on the other wing have balconies. And are larger. And have an actual view. Luckier bastards lodge there. I shudder to think of what the staff would do to me. The literature suggests a 100K won fine, imprisonment up to a year, and summary deportation. Not sure in what order.

Ian_Adkins
By Jove, turn those into your favour Ian!
Suggest a 100K annual reward for you, Ross supplies for a whole year and a summer deportation to Bali, Tahiti, Hawaï and Aruba. Not sure in what order.

😆

@Voy Kay#1012 So at the company my wife works for, it's pretty common after a long stay in Asia to come back via Hawaii or Tahiti. Except of course pandemic, blah blah blah. Of course, the irony is that intercontinental travel is the reason there's a pandemic on at all. This is probably my last long stay in Asia, without having taken the Polynesian route back. I wanted to drink out of coconuts...

    @Voy Kay#1026 Alas, no, everything is at home, apart from a couple mechanical pencils and my research notebook. It's interesting how I might pack differently today. But I did have a little breakthrough. I peeled apart my luggage tag and cut it up to cover all the LEDs, so maybe I will sleep better tonight. 😁 It's weird how quickly the prison ingenuity develops. I now save everything for some unknown future use. I have a chopstick I'm planning to make into a shiv. 😆

    Ian_Adkins Oh my, don't get caught with that shiv! One South Korean guard could be a deflected North Korean dubbelspy that searches and checks your accomodation in your absence or at night!
    Be aware of too carefully folded bed sheets and/or foreign thumbmarks on glasses and silverware!
    ....
    ....
    Are we really the only ones having fun here in this spy thriller?? 😁

      Ah, see, they've only given me disposable utensils and Dixie cups, you'd need a fingerprint dusting kit to turn up any unusual prints. And believe me, the exact arrangement of my bedding is induplicable by rational mind, and only by a diseas'd wit. Speaking of North Koreans, I went to Panmunjom in 2014, and saw a few for myself. A very surreal experience.

      Yes, odd that no one else has joined the thread, but perhaps they're loath to break in upon our revelries and flights of fancy.

      Ian_Adkins
      Darn, they are smarter then we thought!
      The smell of 'fear' can't be far out! The loneliness can play tricks as well. Panmunjom is only a few whiskars away .... never visited it while I was in Seoul in 2010.
      Gosh, why is the late Charles Bronson's quote playing in my head now?
      'I have fear for the fear'

        nothing we could say would be as entertaining as your conversations! 😀

        Panmunjom is well worth a visit! Especially since they have an ATM at the gift store that doesn't charge fees for international cards 😉

          Felix I remember that shop, I came away with carved wooden marriage ducks, DPRK bank notes, and North Korean plum soju. Inexplicably there were also Transnistrian bank notes, and I now regret not buying any.

            Ian_Adkins
            Just out of bed, had a tough time reading about the bank notes.
            First I read 'trans' ... but that's was too close related to 'Katoy'. Then I read 'train' .... but with one eye opened only, I must've read that dislectic. Then I noticed 'Istria' .... but that region in Croatia could not fit with 'Transnistria' very well.
            So eventually, felt unhappy that I've been to Ukrania so many times, and to Rumania as well, yet never visited Moldavia nor Transnistria.
            Anyway, in my land of morning calm (although the name of Belgium alone raises my neckhairs as well as my stomach acid!) .... coffee never dissapointed me and is my golden remedy and adage for 'happiness in a mug'!
            Cheers to the world!

              First things first upon waking: never let your Internet addiction get in the way of your caffeine addiction.

              I gather Transnistria is a bit of seedy place, but since the 1990s, I've been following this plucky little holdout of the Soviet Union that nevertheless wouldn't exist but for Russian "peacekeeping." I'm amazed it survived the Yeltsin years, but that was probably due entirely to General Lebed's active interest.